i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
So I just went to clothing optional bar
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
