So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
there was a trapeze. enough said
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
