I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
