He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
it's like iHOP with fire
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
