I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
