anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
