She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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