i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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