Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
