I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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