There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
