Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
