there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
