the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
