i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
