matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
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My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
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On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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