Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
