dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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