Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
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