I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize