im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
