We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Randomize
