This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
