i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Im part way to drunk.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
