I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
