did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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