So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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