Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
