I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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