I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
