Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I think im going to throw up on grandma
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
