no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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