when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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