My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Randomize
