I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
