My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
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