And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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