Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Yo dont text me then not text me
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
