She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Randomize
