She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
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decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
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Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
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