Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
