All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
