I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
