the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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