So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Ketchup is God's man juice
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
