No awkward lesbian experiences without me
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
You need a sexual gate keeper
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Randomize
