We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
