everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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