he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
