Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
