i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
