Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
