that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
