That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I am puke
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
