I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Randomize
