i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I wish you could order shots online.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
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