he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
high people should be assigned attendants
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
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Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
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I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
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