Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
