If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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