Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
