it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
