We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
