just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
