recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize