JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
