He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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