kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Im just a social blackout drinker.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
