I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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