One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
