but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
