just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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